Suraj C.

You Need to Stop Learning

“A median person is more interested in productivity hacks rather than actually making meaningful progress towards their productivity/goals.”

​

Hey friends,

This week’s issue of the newsletter is going to be short but important.

I was recently talking to a friend about how we have collected so much knowledge but haven’t really utilized most of that in real life.

The conclusion we came to was: We Need to Stop Learning

Let me explain.

More often than not, we already know what to do.

For example, I know very well that if I want should write more content if I want to grow my blogging business but I rarely do that.

I am more likely to instead watch videos on “How to increase your website traffic” or “How to increase backlinks” and so on.

Basically, people (including me) tend to spend more time just learning stuff, instead of actually doing it.

Why?

Because it’s easy.

It’s very easy to watch a detailed video on how to do something, even if you already know what you need to know to get started, instead of actually doing If I just keep watching videos on how to grow my blog, it won’t grow even a bit.

I might feel that I am being productive, but nothing will really change in the metrics of the website unless I write articles, or cold email people for backlinks.

The takeaway: We should be more action oriented. action-oriented keep learning. But we should recognize when we have enough knowledge to start. And once we know it, we should begin the work.

​

Favorites of the week:

Quote: “We find comfort among those who agree with us — growth among those who don’t.” – Frank A. Clark

Video: How I learned to make more friends by Better Ideas

Podcast: You’re Not Lazy: How To Learn Anything Faster – Cliff Weitzman Founder of Speechify​

Must You Fit In?

Hello, my friend!

In this week’s newsletter, I wanted to share with you a lesson I learned through meeting people, pretending, and overcoming the fear that was keeping me away from being myself. 

And I hope this will encourage you to look into your own life, and maybe rethink some decisions. The best part is that the things that I am going to talk about today, if properly considered, can make your life better.

Let’s jump right into it.

As I travel through the cities I grew up in, I have come to recall the child I was: a little scared, yet overconfident.

I used to play football and cricket as a child; I was pretty good at them, people said. In grade 6, I was the team captain for football and one of the best bowlers in my cricket team. My friends used to say that if I continued playing, I could play real tournaments.

I was honestly flattered by that. I thought I would, as they said, continue playing.

But then… life happened.

I don’t remember exactly what, but something clicked in me, and I realized that the only reason that I was playing cricket and dedicating myself so much to football was because I wanted to fit in.

I was playing so that the circle of friends I had would accept me, and so that they would count me as one of them.

And then, as the type of person I was and the risks I was willing to take, I stopped playing. I didn’t even reduce the number of matches I played in, I quit the games entirely.

I realized football and cricket weren’t really my passion. I didn’t really feel the excitement for the games, and in sports entirely. 

In layman’s terms: I wasn’t a sportsperson.

I am glad because, at that time, I had the courage to stand up for myself against the fear of not fitting in. 

However, I have seen this theme consistently throughout the years. 

Every now and then, people do things, say things, or pretend, only to fit in.

I haven’t been away from that myself.

As I switched high schools for my junior and senior years, I found myself among new people, interesting people, people that I thought I wanted to be around. 

So, I pretended.

I pretended to be like them, to like the things they liked, to enjoy doing the things they enjoyed doing. All of that was while none of those things excited me, I didn’t really want to do those things.

The only reason was I thought that doing those things would help me fit in.

And as I talked to more and more people about these things, I realized that it wasn’t just me. Many people do this.

Many people do things that they don’t really want to do, or pretend to like things that they absolutely dislike, simply to fit in.

While I won’t say this is entirely wrong, the question that bothers me is: Must You Fit In?

Do you really want to be around people who aren’t really your type? Do you really want to waste your life pleasing others? Do you really want to sacrifice your own reality, your own character, only so that others like you?

I have experienced this even in the case of backbiting about people. Agree or not, all of us have done it at some point in life.

When someone backsbites about a mutual, more often than not, we seem to pretend as if we agree with them, even if we don’t really.

But do we really need to do that?

Why can’t we just say: “Hey, look, I know that we have had different experiences with the person you are talking about. And while I won’t say you are wrong, I really don’t feel comfortable backbiting about him/her. So let’s just not talk about him.”?

Or if that feels hard to do, why don’t we just walk away?

To give you another example, I was often invited to parties during high school by the boys of my class. I didn’t go out with them even once.

It wasn’t because I was an introvert. Most people say I am one of the most outgoing and confident people they’ve met.

It was because I didn’t really feel that I vibed with them that much. They were all good people, no doubt. But they just weren’t the type of people I wanted to hang out with.

I think it’s high time we all reconsider some of such decisions, some of those actions, some of those acts that we perform so that others like us, so that we fit in.

Have you done such things yourself? Have you done things or pretended only to fit in?

I would love to know. Do let me know via email responses or comments.

Until we meet next time, take care, my friend.

We shall talk more often.

Have a wonderful week!

Zài jiàn! —That’s Mandarin for Goodbye.

Not a Photo Person

I am NOT much of a photo person.

I don’t mind people taking photographs every now and then, of all the things they do, food they eat, places they visit. But I don’t know why, I don’t do so myself. I guess I just am not a photo person.

There are times, however, when I fear that I might regret it.

Do I visit places? Yes. Do I sometimes eat not just delicious but also interesting food? Yes. Do I meet really interesting people at times? Yes. Are there moments I want to remember? Hell yes.

But that’s the problem.

I fear forgetting. I would like to remember all the interesting memories I have built, all the kind people I’ve met, all the amazing moments I’ve had.

I want to remember it all. But what if I forget.

Yes, there are things (and people) that are better forgotten, but there are more of the things that I’d like to remember.

And ultimately, we are a product of everything we’ve been through, no? Both good and bad. That is why I am trying to build a habit of taking more photos. A few video clips too, of course.

I realized that it doesn’t really take much time to take out my phone, take a photo, and put it back in my pocket.

I think 5 or 10 years from now, I will feel good to look back at the old photos of all the places I will have visited, the amazing people I will have met, the beautiful memories I will have created.

I think it will be nice.

Will I remember to take a photo every time something interesting happens or every time I meet someone nice or every time I visit a heavenly place? Of course not.

But I know for sure that I will smile back at the nostalgia that these photos will create.

Maybe you should take more photos as well.

Anyways, I hope you have a great day, my friend. Take care.

Until next time.

Would It Even Matter?

I wonder at times: “What would happen if I were to just disappear?“

What would happen if I were to not inform anyone besides my family that I am not going to be here anymore without the assurance of whether or not I would be back.

This thought has pondered in my mind for years now. I have also told a few people that one day I will someday just go out of contact. “I might become a monk”, I say.

Who knows, I really might become a monk someday.

I feel like too many of us are in a rat race. I would be lying if I didn’t count myself in that group as well. I certainly have as well been in the rat race for quite some time.

But the thing is that every now and then, there is this window of actuality that appears. And the actuality says that a person can survive even with a simple and minimal livelihood where they don’t have the highest pay-grade or a big house or a nice car.

I know, for some people even maintaining a day-to-day livelihood is also tough.

But I have confidence that even if I, and most of my readers, were to drop competing (aka trying to be more successful) right now, we could survive and be able to take care of a few people in some time. Basically, we know the basics of survival and market.

If we can do that, why compete?

Why not just love someone and take care of your family and live as a normal person? Maybe work as a teacher or something in some part of the country and buy a small house in 5-6 years? Why not just eat not-so-fancy food and wear normal budget clothes? Why not every evening play some music and prepare dinner with your wife? Or every morning go on a walk or run with your family? Why not see your partner feel wonderful when you bring them small yet thoughtful gifts or give them small surprises?

Yes, it does seem like a dream life but is it really as hard as so many of us assume it to be?

When I ask people, “If you could do anything, and if money and time was no restriction, what would you do?”, a lot of people come back to spending more time with family or simply traveling or being there for the ones they love. But is it really that hard to do that?

Do we really need to achieve everything that we are set out to achieve in order to do that? Yes, it would make things easier, but do we really NEED to?

I know it’s probably cliche, but “If you were to die in 24 hours, how would you spend these 24 hours?”

I am sure that except for 1 or 2 extraordinary people, most of us will either want to spend those remaining hours with our family or telling things to people that we could never tell (probably confessions or apologies).

And with that, why do we not do it today?

Life is not certain, is it? We could die tomorrow. Or maybe the other person could just disappear someday as I joke about doing. And we don’t know if we will see the other person again. We don’t know if we’ll get to say a “hi” to someone tomorrow. Either we would go or they could.

Hey, I don’t wish that for anyone, but life really is unpredictable. Anything can happen.

So, maybe, you should spend more time with your family right now. Maybe just call your parents and tell them that you were thinking of them and that you love them. Or maybe call those people you’ve been meaning to call and tell them the things you’ve been meaning to tell today.

Sometimes, a random text or call from someone can make people’s day.

Anyways, all I can do is share with you the lessons I learn. The rest really is up to you.

Until next time.

Take care <3

Why Do We Not?

It happens to me whenever I read something beautiful someone writes that I feel like writing but it feels like a lot of friction in between. Today I read a piece written by a friend. It was sort of a poem, a beautiful one. And I was able to get myself to write today. Glad!

Recently, one thing that has been on my mind almost on a regular basis is “Why do we not just move on?”

By moving on I mean why do we not let go of things and of people when holding on to them is as dangerous as staying in a burning house?

A really close friend recently went through a breakup. He has been having a hard time moving on. It was a relationship he’d had for several years, but then one day, it just broke. She left him, and he can’t get himself to accept the fact that she is gone.

To some people, it might seem that “all of this is just lame.” Honestly, I thought the same.

One major thing that I’ve learned recently is that relationships, whether it be romantic relationships, family, or friendship, don’t run with logic. And that is what I get wrong a lot.

Whenever someone close to me tells me something, I, being the logical guy that I am, begin to give advice on what s/he should and shouldn’t do, or how they could solve the problem.

But the problem is, when someone is telling you something or sharing something with you, they don’t really want you to give them a solution. Don’t get me wrong, sometimes they are looking for ways to solve the problem.

But more often than not, they just want you to be there and listen to them.

You know, you can improve any relationship that you have with this simple thing.

1. Ask them: “What’s on your mind?”

By asking them this question, you’re not limiting them to a certain thing which a question like “What is bothering you?” or “Don’t you think …?” would do. You are giving them the freedom to tell you whatever is on their mind. It can be something that is bothering them or something that they are glad about or simply anything, anything that they want.

2. Ask: “What else?”

Sometimes people will tell you something but not tell you the other things that they are thinking because they may think it is not important enough or that sharing the other thing too would only distract you from the first thing they told you. By asking these questions you give them the chance to share with you anything else that they may have in mind.

3. Be present and just listen.

Look, this may seem like the easiest part but this is what many of us get wrong. I know I get this wrong too many times. When someone is telling you something, you shouldn’t utilize your headspace on finding a solution for them or being unnecessarily logical about it. All you should do is simply listen to them.

More often than not, after the conversation, the other person will feel a lot better if you just listened to them than if you had begun to give them advice.

This may or may not make sense to everyone, but I’ve been trying this recently and it has helped me connect to the people I love on a deeper level.

Anyways, I’ll keep it to this for now. There’s a lot more that I have in mind, but some other time. This text is already pretty long.

You take care, my friend, and thank you for reading till the end.

Until next time!