Dear reader,
Am I the same person that I was in the past? Some part of me has remained, while a lot of me has evolved.
With time, I’ve come to see more, experience more, and learn more. In doing so, I have let go of bits and pieces of me and embraced new ones. But how much of it has happened because it’s good for me versus to accommodate expectations? More importantly, what parts of me should I have let go a long time back, but am still clinging to? I don’t have the answer yet, but this answer, I seek.
As a kid, I used to sketch and paint. There was also a time when I used to write poetry. I even have some unlisted voiceover poetry videos on YouTube that I’m a little embarrassed by. None of those things was I ever good at, yet they were a part of me. Perhaps they still are, but I don’t sketch, paint, or compose poems anymore. Maybe these things I should’ve held on to.
Then there are things that I haven’t been able to let go of. A lot of these things are people. Not the entire person, but the memories we’ve shared. In most of these separations, I must admit, the cause has been me. I think that is why I’m filled with a lot of regrets.
There have been times when I’ve reflected upon it and realized that if I could go back in time and do things differently, I would’ve, but I can’t go back in time. I should’ve done things differently, but the past me did the best he knew. Most certainly, not in all cases, but I cannot change what I did or what happened. I have to move on, I have to let go.
I know it, but I just haven’t been able to.
There are also things that I’ve had to let go of, even though I haven’t wanted to: friends, family, places I’ve loved, and people I’ve found peace with. Moving abroad hasn’t been as easy as I’ve made it seem. This is the cost of growing up, I guess, a price we all must pay at some point.
I am still hopeful, as I’ve always been, that all of this will turn out to be a blessing in disguise. I believe, more than ever, that God has a plan for all of us. Maybe all of this is a part of his plan.
So, hope and have faith. I will do the same.
Take care, bud. I will see you next week.
Warmly,
Suraj
