It happens to me whenever I read something beautiful someone writes that I feel like writing but it feels like a lot of friction in between. Today I read a piece written by a friend. It was sort of a poem, a beautiful one. And I was able to get myself to write today. Glad!
Recently, one thing that has been on my mind almost on a regular basis is “Why do we not just move on?”
By moving on I mean why do we not let go of things and of people when holding on to them is as dangerous as staying in a burning house?
A really close friend recently went through a breakup. He has been having a hard time moving on. It was a relationship he’d had for several years, but then one day, it just broke. She left him, and he can’t get himself to accept the fact that she is gone.
To some people, it might seem that “all of this is just lame.” Honestly, I thought the same.
One major thing that I’ve learned recently is that relationships, whether it be romantic relationships, family, or friendship, don’t run with logic. And that is what I get wrong a lot.
Whenever someone close to me tells me something, I, being the logical guy that I am, begin to give advice on what s/he should and shouldn’t do, or how they could solve the problem.
But the problem is, when someone is telling you something or sharing something with you, they don’t really want you to give them a solution. Don’t get me wrong, sometimes they are looking for ways to solve the problem.
But more often than not, they just want you to be there and listen to them.
You know, you can improve any relationship that you have with this simple thing.
1. Ask them: “What’s on your mind?”
By asking them this question, you’re not limiting them to a certain thing which a question like “What is bothering you?” or “Don’t you think …?” would do. You are giving them the freedom to tell you whatever is on their mind. It can be something that is bothering them or something that they are glad about or simply anything, anything that they want.
2. Ask: “What else?”
Sometimes people will tell you something but not tell you the other things that they are thinking because they may think it is not important enough or that sharing the other thing too would only distract you from the first thing they told you. By asking these questions you give them the chance to share with you anything else that they may have in mind.
3. Be present and just listen.
Look, this may seem like the easiest part but this is what many of us get wrong. I know I get this wrong too many times. When someone is telling you something, you shouldn’t utilize your headspace on finding a solution for them or being unnecessarily logical about it. All you should do is simply listen to them.
More often than not, after the conversation, the other person will feel a lot better if you just listened to them than if you had begun to give them advice.
This may or may not make sense to everyone, but I’ve been trying this recently and it has helped me connect to the people I love on a deeper level.
Anyways, I’ll keep it to this for now. There’s a lot more that I have in mind, but some other time. This text is already pretty long.
You take care, my friend, and thank you for reading till the end.
Until next time!